A Sentimental Journey 2006

Stephanie's Birthday

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 05:07:22 GMT

A blog can be a lot like a poo. If you wait a long time it can get bunged up and it seems like you might never blog again, but like the procession to the toilet, duty calls. Poo analogies aside, Stephanie had a birthday, we went to Tamami for sushi and drinks, Monty's for peelers and drinks and Lucky for dancing and drinks.

This look has been dubbed "The Saucy Jack".

It turns out Sean and Robert were downing Luckys under the table all through dinner. No wonder Sean's "Where's the aids orgy" question came out a little early. Down with the syndrome!

Bryce kissing a crackwhore.

Bryce makes it into a lot of pictures because his bubble gum always shows.

J.P., modest as ever.

"Up in 'da club, doin' what we do."

Jules, back from London with some sweet nature graphics.

"Wind it up!"

Jesus Christ

Dad's Vegas Wedding

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 05:46:58 GMT

I just got back from my Dad and Monica's wedding in Las Vegas, I'll fill you in on what I learned. If you don't have a big bank roll, don't start playing $10 black jack hands. I lost a bunch of money right off the bat and stayed up 'till 5am that night hunched looking at the felt, smoking cigarettes, drinking Coors Original and giving loud, bad advice to other gamblers.

You can get a lot done in a short amount of time in Vegas, it can also take a long time to do the simplest things; both situations result in the bizarre and surreal. In under an hour I went on a roller coaster, sung karaoke to "This Charming Man" and gave a smoke to a black guy named Casino! Can you believe he was born and raised in Vegas? As the Smiths started to roll for my kareoke jam a guy wearing a "FUCK ME I'M FAT" shirt said "Morrissey isn't welcome in the USA." Right on! However, if you want to get something done with a large group of people it will take forever, someone always has to take a piss, get a beer, take a rest, or is just plain lost. Seated on a bench, waiting as usual, I noticed one of the excesses of Vegas. A guy dropped a beer on the sidewalk then picked up the can and carried on. A puddle of beer was left behind. Quickly, a black man in a security guard outfit came to assess the situation. He stared down at the puddle, took hold of his radio and called in backup. The security guard held steadfast by the puddle. A black woman in a hotel uniform smoked and glared at the security guard with condescending attitude. Finally a Mexican janitorial worker arrived with mop and bucket, the crisis was averted. To me, that puddle is kind of what Vegas is all about. Vegas trades in common sense and rational thinking for the illusion of danger and spectacle.

Fingerbang

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 22:29:21 GMT

Fingerbang

Haloween Hoot Hoot Hoot

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 15:39:16 GMT

Now that Haloween and it's surrounding madness is over I can catch up on the blogosphere. Here is a picture post of the Haloween that really counts, the Saturday BEFORE Haloween.

Not even a free keg and a kick-ass spread could save the first party Stephanie, Kristen and I went to, luckily Melissa here new of Bob Ross' throwdown on Quadra

After only a couple beers I was outside looking to take a leak. I was walking along and all of a sudden, THUNK! I fall in a narrow and deep hole. It was one of those things that happens when you are getting wasted that makes you sit there for a second, writhing in pain thinking "WTF?!" I thought I nearly broke my ankle then I looked to my side and saw a shovel. Man I was pissed.

The Hole

I was kind of a boring corpse zombie.

Stephanie as "America's Sweetheart" Jon Bennet Ramsey.

Here are some more costumes I thought were awesome (and was lucky enough to snap):

Selena was supposed to be a flasher, but lacked the cockandballs, everyone thought she looked like Carmen Sandiego (hit it Rockapella!).

The American tragedy duo, 9/11 and Jon Bennet. For more pics head over to Stephanie's blog: missconstrue

Birthday

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 23:00:21 GMT

I'd like to say "thanks" to everyone who sent me a birthday greeting, you really brightened up the corners! I got some really cool stuff for my birthday such a black velvet Elvis painting from Stephanie (seen above). A fat Elvis original done by a Texan "artist"; it doesn't get much better. I also got a DVD player with a DivX player from my Mom. I would urge everyone to get one of these because they play most digital formats from data CDs or DVDs. From now on DVD authoring is dead to me. It's awesome because you can burn around five full length movies per DVD; it's the best thing to happen to piracy since the eye-patch!

Saturday Night's Alright

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 01:11:42 GMT

"Koalas do not arouse me."

Ball Itchin' Early

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 04:37:22 GMT

I started my new job today at Schnider Electric, it was the first time I've had to wake up before 10 since the whole crew went to Alberta. I got out of bed at 6:50 and muttered "It's ball itchin' early." Imagine my excitement when I learned the standard starting time is 7 am, now THATS ball itchin' early! I think a methadone type system is needed to ween people like me off unemployment insurance. Day one starts at 11, day two 10 day three 9 and so on down to 8; that's the limit. This company I'm working for is really by the book: affirmative action; posters of bears telling you to shift you weight; I have a feeling someone might try to hug me. Quite a change from my former supervisor who liked to know how often her employees were whacking off. Oh well, the gravy train was good while it lasted, but there was always something keeping me from fully enjoying my few months of freedom: the sickly feeling that I would soon be back at the grindstone, regretting I didn't grab the world by the balls when I had the chance.

Sombrio

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 01:32:00 GMT

Jake called me up and ask "Do you want to go surfing?"

"Uhh sure" I said.

So we did.

We got to Sombrio, the surf was flat, it was cold and raining. We decided to camp on the beach. After hauling most of our gear down there, we went up for the firewood. While up there we ran into some other surfers who were having problems with (you guessed it) a VW van. According to a tow truck driver I once rode with, VWs are the most towed brand of vehicles. So we try to get this guys van running for an hour and finally we convince him to open up the motor in the back. He kept us interested with Molsons and DuMauriers. We exchange names and learn Bryan is from Oregon, he shapes surfboards and owns a shop. Under the hood I noticed that the cap and router was throwing off sparks along the pug wires. Bryan tightened down the cap, got back in, and after a few minutes of grinding the starter the van fired up sputtering and backfiring wildly. I couldn't believe it started.

Geeze these pictures don't support the narrative very well.

Took leak by this tree on a slug. I wondered if my piss would be salty enough to make him shrivel up, too bad, it wasn't.

More majesty.

Chris "Corky" Burke

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 00:07:10 GMT

Last night I had the biggest revelation of my young life. I learned the truth about Chris "Corky" Burke. Not to sound too hippyish, but everything in my universe fused together in cosmic unity. A few months ago I traded mix CDs my friend Sarah. Her mixes were a really eclectic mix of obscure gems. One track particularly stood out for me: "Eating Is Serious" by Chris "Corky" Burke. I assumed the song was from a children's show and didn't give it much more though. I played it at work and my co-worker Ashley thought it was hilarious. Ashley liked to parody the retarded voice and he made it his own; "I like CHEESE" was a favorite. Fast foreward another coouple of months. I was out for some drinks with Stephanie's friends who were in town from the Netherlands. There is a show in the Netherlands called "Knoop In Je Zakdoek" (it means Knot In Your Handkerchief) where Downs syndrome people compete on a game show. Knowing about the show was amazing enough, but then the Netherlanders said they call Downs syndrome people "Corkys" after a charachter with the same affliction in a late 80s early 90s television show called Life Goes On. You can probably see where this is headed, Chris Burke of Life Goes On is the same Chris Burke as the singer featured on "Eating is Serious"! Chris Burke's band has got to be the funniest band ever, a Downsy, a set of twins, who play songs about eating and venereal disease (Coasters "Poison Ivy")! So, check out their offical website, buy some merchendise and bask in Chris Burke's Downsy glow!

Tofino Surf Trip

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 08:22:30 GMT

Jake kicked the ocean's ass. He was catching waves like mad. The Pacific was angry over the past couple days. There were many surf schools on the beach. The students each wore neon pink pinnies and carried blue longboards. Like baby sea turtles, the students cautiously entered the water, knowing some would make it and some would not. The runts, unable to stand in the deeper water get pummeled by the waves and make no headway. The stong heave their heavy boards over the waves and position themselves to catch a sloppy, whitewash wave. Success, they raise themeselves upon their door wide boards and sail to shore.

At times I felt like a runty turtle. My board is a little too small and unstable; that makes it hard to catch a less than perfect wave. Maybe I should change my spirit animal from "Scuffy Owl" to "Baby Turtle". I was having such a tough time it came down to thinking about those lame mid 90s "No Fear" shirts for inspiration.

Tragically when Jake was dropping me off at home his shortboard fell from the top of the truck. The board's aggressively pointed nose was damaged in the fall onto the pavement.

We camped near the dump just outside the provincial park boundry. Surfers just head out there and pitch tents. We 4x4ed down a trails and found some good spots.

But the site didn't have wi-fi.

They don't call it Long Beach for nothing.

Road Trip: Alberta and Idaho

Mon, 14 Aug 2006 07:58:51 GMT

On the ferry I bought this month's issue of Wired Magazine, it had some great tips, like how to weasel out of your cell phone contract and how to text message updates to your myspace prof. Here's Stephanie trying to do the Colbert face (he's awsome).

Speaking of Colbert, the animal scene here is #1 on the "Threat Down".

These guys were riding some cool ratty Honda cafe racers. They also each had a skateboard straped to the back. Two awsome things in one: a skater gang and a biker gang!

It was a very long drive, we caught the 7 am ferry and arrived in High River Alberta by about 10:30 pm, but keep in mind Alberta is 1 hour ahead of BC. Bryce is a machine, he can drink and drive (never together) more than anyone I've seen. He would not reliquish the wheel the entire drive to Alberta. We stopped only for lunch, energy drinks and pissing. Natalie was in the front seat untill she started to nod off. Bryce can't have a navigator/i Pod DJ/food dispensor asleep at their post, so I took over.

Show me yo grill! Flexin' on Eazy hardcore!

The purpose of the Alberta leg of the trip was to attend my cousin Mark and his new wife Pamela's wedding reception. They got married over Christmas in London England, so this is the first time many of us got to meet Pamela. Here's the girls all dressed up. From left to right: Taneequa, Alyssa, Stephanie and Natalie.

Cheese face, say "I like cheese" like a downsy for instant laughs.

The reception was off the hook. Excellent food, carrot cake for dessert and the most important part: all the free beer you could drink.

I tried to take Rob's cowboy hat off. He grabbed my arm and said "Look at my nose." I did, it was crooked. "Never touch a cowboy's hat. I knocked a cowboy's hat off when I was a young guy, and I got knocked out, nose broken." Enough said.

The gang made a trip into Calgary. The first order of business was to find Megatunes to meet Twyla (my internet friend) for the first time. She suggested that we should go to the Ship and Anchor for lunch. Twyla was just like she is on the internet, with a little more awesomeness thrown on top.

I knew Twyla was really popular, but she's even tight with the skids! We went partying with Twy too and had a blast, to read more and see pictures visit Stephanie's blog:
missconstrue

At lunch I had the big beer!

Bryce bought the sweetest shirt, but he only feels comfortable wearing it on his "home turf."

After partying in Calgary we pulled up stakes and drove to Idaho. Here's a pretty gay vacationish picture, but at least you can see the majesty of the lake.

I learned a couple of things thing about the USA while in Idaho. First, if you want to get drunk on their beer its got to have "Ice" in the brand name. Keystone Ice, tasted a little boozy like Wildcat at first, but once I got a couple deep I was ready to do the "Baby Dance". Second, the amount that we have to pay for beer in Canada is extortionate. At the local Wal-Mart, you can get a 24 pack of Keystones for $14! The government monopoly is gouging the customer!

After a few Keystone Ices. "Gotta get drunk before the day begins!"

Trailer park playground, wheee.

I wish I had this night on tape. Bryce stripped and went swimming. Sweet jokes about "Fucking dis-pear" and "Fucking dis-custard." Freestyle rapping...

and more cheese!

On our way home this kid was working at a fruit stand in the Okanagan. He and his friend were stoned off their asses and could not make change for the life of them.

Bryce found the craziest energy drink ever at the Wal-Mart: Steven Segal engergy drink. It says "Cherry" but it stinks like sweat and tastes like expired cough syrup. There is no way Segal has ever tasted this because after one sip, no one in their right mind would say "Damn, put my name on that!"

Downs Syndrome People Say "Hi"

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 22:14:49 GMT

Human Mice, For The Angel Of Death

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 23:50:22 GMT

After the party it's the hostel lobby. There was no over friendly concierge. Stephanie and I had to wait around while the staff watched '80s TV movies on KVOS. Eventually a dragon lady, cigarette in hand demanded our IDs, a $10 key deposit, then sent us on our merry way.

Our luxurious accomodations.

There were helpful signs everywhere.

All these signs show highly developed engrish skills.

It stank like lysol, urine and French Canadian hippies.

A refreshing whisky in the teacup, got me geared up for Slayer.

Stephanie, geared up for Slayer, on top of exposed Bosnian stained matress. (You would usually seen these proped up against broken windows.)

Dog blog!

Urban decay.

Prey to the temple of the don't.

And I'm out!

A Trainspotting Toilet

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 21:27:18 GMT

It's hard to believe Bryce actually craps in here.

Five New Belts

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 22:46:34 GMT

On sale now at Side Show.

Extreme Close-Up Whoooaaaa!

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 23:07:00 GMT

"This one's a dilly"

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 07:53:16 GMT

Once thebignatural (RIP) told me that hockey announcers spend their off-season thinking up awsome one liners to say at just the perfect moment. Tonight in the Oilers Hurricanes game, with 10 minutes remaining in the third period and the score tied 3-3 the announcer exclaimed: As tbe great picklemaker said, "This one's a dilly."

Bryce's Clean Chopper

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 06:24:59 GMT

Iron Horse magazine?

New parts include: Oil tank, battery box, rear fender, front wheel, front brake, whitewall, gas tank paint (Scallops by Natalie Wray and pinstriping by Mark Selzer).

Camping Is So, So, Serious

Tue, 23 May 2006 06:14:19 GMT

To see the blog post in it`s whole vloggy form click HERE!

Steak and Pears

Sun, 07 May 2006 23:09:07 GMT

The Week in Review

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 00:47:20 GMT

Last Sunday we went to see Crue. I know I should have struck while the iron was hot and written about this earlier, but the Crue takes a lot out of you. Nat had been planning her outfit for months, and I was sort of getting sick of hearing about it, but I think she captured the 80's zeitgeist.

We started getting wasted for the Crue around 3. I shaved Bryce's hair into a mowhawk. Then we went to the peeler bar. I wish I could have taken my camera into the Fox because we saw a awesome stripper. She even danced to Peaches, it was so much better than that gay (cruisey) nightclub music that most retarded stippers play. I don't have any pictures of the Crue concert, but who wants to see that anyway? Concert pics are boring. Imagine these guys:

Add 20 years of alcohol and drug abuse and imagine how they look now. But the concert had everything you'd want from the Crue, midgets, pyro, boobs, wicked solos and gutair smashing. The gayest part was when Tommy started flying around the arena, then started doing a retarded version of Stomp on these suspended platforms high above the crowd. Twyla gave the concert 7 pentagrams out of 10, I'm going to go out on a limb and give it 8 because "Kickstart My Hart" was flippin' badass.

Alienation of labour.

We fixed Bryce's canopy.

Then it was Sean's "Big Night Out." This was imortant because Sean has not had a Saturday off since September. You can catch him tonight in his office, the Red Jacket's mens washroom. We went to see Destroyer.

This was a shocker. Nev only wears brown, but then he walks into Lucky in this Zellers sales associate suit. Everyone was like "SNAP!"

Dogs and Blogs

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 07:10:33 GMT

I was riding my bike home from work today and I came across this Weimaraner. I used to have a dog just like this. They are of course a German breed named after the Grand Duke of Weimar Charles August. Weimaraners are traditional hunting dogs and they have a particular effective method of bringing down prey: by instictually going for the genitals. Weimaraners become really attached to their owners and can develop severe seperation anxiety. But I like them because their ears feel like velvet and their tails look like fat sausages.

Douggie Pictures Emerge

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 07:12:33 GMT

I found some Douggie pictures courtesy of Jessica Smith. Watch Bryce in full party mode, oh the majesty.

Polka Monster

Sun, 26 Mar 2006 01:24:16 GMT

I know it's been a while since I rapped at ya, but it seems like I've been climbing a neverending shit rope lately. However, one of my goals in life has been accomplished. I won the Polka Monster! I've been listening to Ed Bain bash out classic rock jams on his accordion since elementary school. A few week ago I decided the offical "I beat the Polka Monster T-shirt" would be mine. I kept calling then one day I hit caller 11, chatted up Ed and Cliff and listened to the polka. I knew it was The Doors, but I had to sing backwards though the song to come up with "Roadhouse Blues". I also won a gift certificate for $30 to Wing's Chinese resturant (missconstrue, we're going on a date!) I just hope the food has improved because last time the buffet chow mein tasted like ash.

Winning is fun! I celebrated with CHICKEN FINGERS!

The majesty.

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 23:09:58 GMT

Nat is... the new face of snuff! (Sorry Mom)

...

Time for a bump.

Nat's shirt colors inverted onto Kevin. He's been getting a lot of internet flack lately, poor guy.

Lou-gay, how do you get so wasted?

bondonucleosis, sinking into the depth of Russian despair. She had everyone pissing their pants with her stories of working as a phone sex operator.

sapphiar looking silly. Wow, this is turning into a livejournal party.

missconstrue and I. I try to open my eyes real wide to not look so handicapped.

For some reason Evan deleted me from his MySpace, what an internet snub! Evan, if you read this I am not upset, just baffled.